I was reading a very interesting article this week in Charlie : an interview with Hans Maes about his new book : “what is sexy”.
The interview was done by Sarah Van Looy, and Hans gives some very pertinent remarks on the big differences on when a man and woman are perceived as sexy.
He also talks about power and the link with sexiness. He says that a man with authority is often perceived as sexy, however a woman in power is very often called a bitch. He also says that we, women, want to be thought of as sexy more than men want to be called sexy. Yes we want to be smart and sexy! (or at least I want to)
This made me think of a keynote this week done by Chloe De Bie, that I enjoyed a lot as she talks in very liberate way about sex (maybe not so strange being a sexologist) but I will remember forever her comparaison with a cup of tea, when talking about consent.
A must watch! Here is the link, give it to your teenage girls and boys!
A pity many women and men only think about the word consent once they have experienced the opposite. But it is not OK just to expect men to read your mind and magically know what you want.
Men cannot know how you feel about them unless you tell them. And if someone is interested in you, don’t they generally have the right to ask? Wherever your personal opinion lies ( do you want to get physical or not on a first date?) , it’s problematic to rely upon signals and cues alone.
I maintain the opinion that asking for consent is sexy, because I know how awful and terrifying it can be to experience unwanted advances and sexual expectations. Or to feel like you can’t say no because a man has assumed his desires match yours.
When we know better, we can do better. But that goes for men and women alike. Let’s quit giving men a hard time for asking for consent and instead give them an opportunity to get this right.
Let’s talk before we act, it can be very sexy!