Suyin Aerts
August 12, 2022

When friendship ends

Recently I was talking to my coach about the loss of friends. Sometimes you lose friends forever and there is no way back. I had 2 friends that decided to step out of their lives. One was an ex-boyfriend that I was not seeing any more since years. But it was a shock when I heard the news. I was so angry. When I lost the other, some years later. I did not feel angry, but I was sad. We met some years before he died.

I was pregnant of my second daughter, and it made me think about the fragility of life. I am so sure that C. would have been a great friend to both our girls, I am sure he would be proud to see them on a hockey pitch.

He was such a joyful person, so funny so bright. I did not see it coming. That hurts. He did not meet my second little one, that hurts also. He was so happy to meet Noa and was happy I was pregnant again. We had so many crazy nights, drinking the best wines on earth. He was so special and was a star before he left, to early and I think of him very often.  Sometimes with the friends we met thanks to him we remember how great he was and this very hard moment for all of us. Losing him created a bond between us, one I cannot explain.

I lost other friends, or at least we do not see each other again, sometimes I think about the reason why we decided not to keep the contact running. I wonder how I would feel if we meet each other again. For some I see that they are living a happy life, I guess they see the same when scrolling true my profile.

I had a friend I met when we were in dance school . I have to be honest, It makes me happy to see her looking great and feeling happy, but sometimes it hurts a little to know that she doesn’t need me as a friend. So many times we said we were forever.

The moment we split, actually just happened, there was no fight. We were no longer walking the same paths and I wonder if that was the reason our friendship seemed not to be able to handle. Maybe it was our difference of environment that made us decide to split. The fact we were living far away from each other for sure made it hard. Or was it because I became a mother,  sometimes I wonder. She also never met my youngest daughter.

I think she will also not be able to explain why we are not WE any longer. As I cannot explain the start of our friendship, it was I think as simple as a spark. We had so many great moments, the laughter’s, the tears, the danger, the fun, our secrets, …

These memories are with us forever, in our hearts.

But somehow there was a crack in forever…

I wonder whether it will last forever, that crack.

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