I have to admit I have felt resistance for a long time about slowing down. I always felt as if I had to prove myself, be busy, do things, show up, win, come with new medals that showed how good I was at something, something I did all by myself.
Slowing down felt and still feels scary from time to time. But now that I dare to follow my heart and gut feeling it brings me another kind of energy, a mix of slowing down and reconnecting with something bigger I want to create with my being and my work.
I actually feel more energetic now that I stopped the resistance to slow down. It is not as if I do less, I might even be doing more than ever before. But the drive is more genuine. It is not about medals for the outside world but medals for my inner child.
Besides slowing down I was also very resistant to patience. I am starting to understand more and more that patience is actually a key to maturity. If I want to grow in this life and become a wiser person in the future, one of the keys might be patience.
It was, however, worth it to fight some old battles in the past months. Stirring up the energy of those emotions and thoughts made me understand where my resistance comes from. I realize that It is not by fighting every battle for injustice that I will change the world. I start to be able to breathe more rather than to react immediately. I start to be able to speak more with my silent moments.
I understand better why I so desperately want to prove myself. I will skip the details but let’s say that abuse of power is a very big poison.
When we trust others, it is a decision we have made. When that person was not worth the trust or if someone finds excuses for what they did wrong, we often blame ourselves. This creates resistance, sometimes in tiny things we do and other things we fear.
Now that those walls have been pushed away I am very curious what extra beauty this will bring in my life.
