Suyin Aerts
July 28, 2023

When forever ends

Yesterday morning a bird hit my window while I was writing in the sun. He hit it very hard. I thought he would be hurt, but he flew away, came back again as if he wanted to tell me. If you are looking for us we are up there in the sky.

The past few days I have been looking 5 birds in the eye. I am not so much of a bird person so the fact I noticed them is special. They made me think of the family we had to say goodbye to yesterday.

For over 30 years they had been friends V. and my husband. We called them “the gang from Tournai” when we talked about them and the other close friends and family they had. We were proud of them and how they were all intertwined. The perfect example of a beautiful, healthy and happy family.

When my husband heard about the accident in the news the morning after it happened, he wanted to call his friend to make sure they were alright. But they called him before.

The phone call you never want to get, the way you never want your friends to be in the national press.

Later that morning the blue sky turned black and rain was pouring, very exceptional here in Spain at this time of the year. I knew that probably above the huge cathedral in Belgium where my husband was assisting the funeral of that fantastic family of 5 the clouds would be gray.

We all know that forever always has got an end. But this felt so unreal.

I had another bad night, without the necessary sleep to recover, so I decided not to go for that planned long run this morning but booked a massage instead. Magical hands, that felt without words that some grief was blocked. 

The sky is blue again, the sun is shining, and my body feels tired but reborn.

As if they want to tell us, celebrate our lives rather than to mourn our death for too long.

So I decided on my walk back after the massage, to stop wondering why this happened. I will never get an answer anyway.

I also decided to remember how many beautiful, though sometimes simple things we have and embrace them.

I also decided to stop getting so excited, angry, disappointed with certain people and things happening right now.

Because sometimes there is a crack in forever, we cannot understand.

And once in a while forever ends even without a crack.

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